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There are all sorts of dating experiences many have in their lifetime—from the rotating door of bachelors and bachelorettes in our 20s to the more mature approach to finding love in our 30s, meeting a partner is no easy task. After all, you or your potential partner invest time, energy and heart into their marriage and their partner was taken too soon from them. Believing that love can happen again for them or for yourself requires strength, bravery and trial-and-error. The spectrum of eligibility is strenuous enough without throwing in a broken heart. Some are ready to date again shortly after their partner dies. Others need more time. You must set your own timeline, or when building a with a widow or widower, giving them space to become comfortable. There is no specific time range that works for everyone. Some people may be ready after six months, while others may feel ready after 5 years. I was lonely for several years before my husband died. I would have been dating again within a year if I had not been in a car accident that put me out of action for nine months. One is ready to date again whenever solitude gives way to loneliness. It is natural to want a partner, but the partner is not a substitute. For me, it was 18 months before I considered dating again. Patience is key for widow dating or widower dating. Most widow er s have a support system of friends and family. Therapy groups offer additional networks of emotional care. In my opinion, it is important for two people in a relationship to be strong enough that they can be a complete person to offer to another. I do not think that someone who is in a great deal of mental pain is a good candidate for a relationship. I should have done that prior to entering the relationship. If the new relationship is a healthy one, it will develop into a unique one, independent of the person who came before. He had been a wonderful husband and father, but illness and medications changed him. Now that I have been dating for about three years, on and off, my comparisons are with prior dates and not with my husband. What I mean is that if one had a happy marriage that ended with one person dying, one might wonder if the person would approve of the person one is dating. If they met IRL, would they be friends? There may be tears and a period of adjustment as you date. When someone dies, multiple people grieve and often bond in that grief. There may be in-laws and children with opinions about the widow er dating again. While the person may be ready to date, their family might take some time to adjust to the idea. However, the occasional emotional reminiscence is not an indication that the person is not ready to date. It just means they are learning to see themselves differently. He or she is also letting go of the past. If he or she feels comfortable talking about their deceased partner then you should feel free to ask questions or make comments. It may be difficult to be vulnerable with someone new. Be patient as your date learns to be vulnerable to a new person. For some widow er s, a new sexual relationship is especially intimidating. Furthermore, your date might feel a little lost in some areas. Perhaps their late spouse was the primary bookkeeper or household organizer. Having grown with their lost spouse they were comfortable with personal things, like body, habits and such like. It is hard to share these things with someone new. Sometimes the widowed person may find they entered the dating world too soon and retreat back into solitude. Sometimes the only way to know if one is ready to date is to try. And you could stil be loved completely by a widower or widow, even if they found love before. I have come close a few times, but for various reasons the relationships did not last. I know it is possible to love more than once, and I know that each love is unique. Finding that love, though, is much harder when one is older than when one is young. I did and know others who did, too.
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